Thoughts On Approaching Forty: Life’s loves,lessons, disappointments, accomplishments and the forty year old question.

    What every forty year old should have at the age of  forty besides an Mp3 player or iPod, a dildo,a gay  friend, and a bitch with an attitude”—cacjohnson 
 

Certainly,I am not the same person I was in middle school high school or college. Of course,I am older with enough personal history to fill a book,indeed,that’s not the only visible difference in my life. As I broached the question, at the beginning of the month “ what thoughts do I have about turning forty or how do I feel about turning forty’” I ceased to think about the subject, a very personal and intimate topic,exactly,what could I say in this blog that I have not expressed in previous blogs or editor notes other than reiterating ,going over and emphasizing specific thoughts and intimate moments that have been a turning point in my life as well as brought me through crisis. Momentarily,at the age of thirty -nine,I am reserving my right to who I speak with to bill collectors,lawyers,doctors, the Us Department of Education and the latest Social Networking Sites ,more specifically, Twitter and Word press. In “Conquering the giants and demons in my life while preparing for the big (4-0)” I mentioned that“Over the years I have associated turning forty as the start of new beginnings, new friendships,new journeys ,and new memories with people who inspire, motivate ,and uplift the birthday girl to have a more fulfilling and richer life.” Even today, I continue to think of turning forty as a day to be celebrated and commemorated.”Admittedly, I began formulating thoughts as well as fantasizing about turning forty in my mid-twenties when I began working and my employers required that I wore stockings. Surprisingly,today,I continue to hold some of the same thoughts about turning forty from my mid-twenties even with my personal history that’s long enough to fill out a police report,it hasn’t warped my view or thoughts on turning forty if any thing I have gained a greater appreciation for life and continue to look forward to reaching the big (40). Inspite of life’s loves ,lessons, disappointments,accomplishments and the forty year old question?, I’ve found that learning doesn’t stop it’s continuous and just as I’ve jumped over one hurdle others remain. Unequivocally,I am not an authority on anything but I am open to new ideas,people , and places. Unlike the days of yore,just joshing with you, I’m not that old, actually,I’m at the prime of my sex life, a slight digression,on a serious note, unlike the days of my youth,I am not as hyper as I’ve often been described by teachers and friend, I definitely could do without the spontaneity,also,I feel more centered and connected with my emotions and inner person or “mini me” Without a question, as I approach forty , I have found that I have a proclivity to analysis and evaluate my past life experiences. Subsequently, as I began to connect with my inner emotions that grew from infantile emotions such as (happy,sad,mad,angry,confused,and infuriated ) to adult emotion such as (contemptuous ecstatic elated discontented doleful enlightened sanguine melancholy querulous and wroth.) As an result, I began to gain a greater understanding of threads(i.e people, place,things and events) that have fabricated my life, in addition to understanding “what makes me tick” Veritably,inexpertly,I began blogging in 2007.Although,I was fairly new to online blogging with hesitation I began posting blogs on my website then randomly posting blogs online. Initially,my blog posting on word press was to be an billboard for my web site that has involved and developed into a thriving home business. After several blog posting, I was not pleased with the direction or tone of my blogs so instead of promoting my website I began jotting down ideas then writing “My Life as A Consumer Affairs Consultant’” Incontrovertibly, during the rudiment stages of blogging, I discovered  blogging was not a no brain-er , it was a slow and deliberate process that required my full attention. . Candidly and honestly speaking as I approach forty along with my frequent blogging, my thoughts on life’s loves lessons disappointments accomplishments and the forty year old question began to become more clear and concise. For instance, life’s loves has taught me ” it’s better to have loved and lost love than to never have loved at all” Amazingly , I survived my life’s loves but not without scandal specualtion heartache and trepidation. A few years back, an old college roommate looked me up, during our conversation my old roommate asked “how’s your sex life” and I answered “what sex life” during that time I wasn’t masturbating on a regular basis,seriously,I wasn’t masturbating and wasn’t have sex on a regular basis ,egregiously, today,I don’t masturbate or own a dildo. From the age of nineteen to thirty-five,I averaged 1.5  boyfriends or male companions. In retrospect, in looking back on my past relationships, I found it to be a two street. In most instances, I discover that in many of my relationships, I was not giving my full  attention,I wasn’t on the same page with my companion, or we both had different commitment levels. At rate,my sex life,my life’s loves, and my orgasms have surpassed the stimulating of my clitoris.  In other instances,sometimes rather vehemently, life’s lessons have taught me  that ” I d rather keep the lesson and throw the experience” an anonymous quote I have often quoted over the years.

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