Snow Days:Developing Thick-skin and One Of Their Own.

cacjohnson

“Someone was hurt before you; wrong before you; hungry before you; frightened before you; beaten before you;humiliated before you;raped before you; yet, someone survived”—Maya AngelouA prerequisite for developing thickskin: whether you’ve been bullied, kicked in the head, punched in the face,beat in the chest, and stabbed in the back , it’s a prerequiste to keep your thoughts and feelings in check;of course,today that’s still easier said than done. Also,remain calm in confrontation,continue to have respect for the opinions of others, agree to disagree,remember that you can not control the actions of others but you can control how you react,most importantly  keep your hands and feet to yourself no matter what choice of words  the person choose to convey  their thoughts. So you have not develop thick-skin ,still a duck waddling in the water,and you’ve got yuorself in a sticky situation, even worse, badly  injure  by defamator remarks that have now rendered you helpless to you predator; therefore; you might w2ant to consider seeking additional  help or counseling if the abuse persist each time your in this person presence.Often ,actively listening to the person qualms allowing them to  relieve themselves on you in most instances will diffuse the situation at that point it’s best to say nothing .”There are two things over which you have complete dominion,authority,and control—your mind and your mouth.”Molefi Asante,subsequently, my mind  and mouth are primarily two reasons I decided not  to blog everyday, I am best able to sum it up in this quote“I am nice  person;although, I have ugly feelings”(thoughts.)

Each day I endure obstacles,each day I’m constantly attacked in my thoughts. If I were to blogged everything I felt or wanted or desired to say I about life,people,or relationships ,I might come across to readers as being a  mentally deranged or disturbed person. I have found that it’s best that I allow my thoughts to sit for a day or two then read or look over what I have written to see if I still feel the same or  if I’m being histrionic.“I am thankful for the adversities which have crossed my path and taught me tolerance,perseverance,self control,and some other virtues I might have never known.—Anonymous On this particular day, while in my rented room reading,snow began to cover the ground as I slowly began to read several young adult books ,thoughts began to run rampant in my head , instead of continuing to read, I took a break from the books to tweet. As I stated previously,after reading several pages of the young adult book, I took a moment to look at my tweet page only to discover my internet access on my Virgin Mobile Xtc was not working therefore I was not able to tweet which reminds me of a chat room even though I ve never gone online in a chat room. Anyway,immediately after, I realized I could not access the internet on my Virgin Mobile Xtc I became exasperated but continued reading the young adult books I checked out days earlier. It was while I was in my room snowed in and reading the young adult books I thought of the title for this blog Snow Days:Developing A Thick-skin. Three books that influence me the most to write this blog was one young adult book I ‘d read a few weeks ago Kiss&Blog the other two were Ms. Thang and Urban Goddess the ATL series. All three books focus on friendships,sharing secrets, and developing relationships outside of the coterie.  With books and paper stacked to the  ceiling,I began reading the young adult books I checked out as well as jotting down my thoughts and feelings . Equivocally, I began to blog my thoughts. My initial thoughts began with my lack of friends or not wanting friends. I personally  feel I have moved beyond  the friendship stage, I feel that developing friends or having friends was something I did in Elementary school, Middle school, High School, and College. Thus, the question I asked myself “where are those now friends now?” Many of my friends from  Middle school, High School and College have maturated and moved on , some with raising their only families others making career moves. Nevertheless,statements such as“I wish I  never met her, I wish  she never came in my home,I wish I never was friends with her,I wish I never did anything for her, If somebody did  that for me this is what I would have done(as to state  they would have have been the better friend then I,  I wish she was never born or to listen to someone make such statements  like Rite  Aid “its personal ‘ personal gain would  be the main motivation to sit and listen to  the belittling,  degradation, and slander of character of a  family member or said friend ) Admittedly, I have not personally espoused  such statements at any given particular moment  within the last ten years one because of my skin color, two because of  my bank account,and lastly because I was raised by my grandmother who did not teach me to think that way. However, any particular person that might have mentioned such statements in reference to me personally then it would be my belief that such particular person made such  statements because they either  didn’t like, love,or care about me from jump but  performed acts of kindness to be  politically and socially correct while waiting  for the grass to turn green on the other side. Throughtout the years, I have kept my distance from family and friends including  learning to live with  in the boundaries set by immediate and surrogate families I say families because over the years I become accustom to having more than one mother or father. Again many of my friends have big families older siblings  as well as tantamount of aunts and uncles that keeps them completely engrossed in family matters. Also, I learned not to discuss one family business with the other to  fit in or acquire material gain.Loyalty and privacy I have subscribed to as well as taken seriouly ever since  I was in middle school and began keeping a diary,unequivocally, each of my family surrogate has taken me in and has treated  as one of their own. Today, one of the primary reasons that I have very limited number of close friends that I am able to count on one hand( )  because I do not entertain buying friends,or collecting friends like trophies to use as pawns to manipulate , to control, or to build a spy network  to win points  or gain popularity with folks that have the means to proliferate my bank account and maybe I should have, considering my current living conditions(one of a person living in a third world country). Besides,who wants to play favorites?,although, in elementary school the students called me the teachers pet  because I was allowed  to take names whenever the teacher had to leave the classroom and I was allowed conduct class ,I mean teach a class lesson, but I’m sure all of that changed when I got paddled in the back of  classroom in front of the entire class then I  was made to stand  by the teacher with my nose in the corner . As I grow older, I realize that friendships are like marriages with the exception to being married you marry the man or women and not his or her family. On the other hand with friendships if  something goes down believe me when something happens and it always will, you’ve got  big brothers, big sisters, uncles, aunts cousins, first , second, third and forth cousin to  possibly confront or have to explain yourself” well ,“what happened between you and so and so”believe me  Ive been through it and that’s a whole lot of explaining. Today, in this day and age, friendships are  more like marriages ie (divorce )they can get messy. The rumor mill with large families at any time could become very similar to Don  Quixote fighting windmills especially if you are the only child or you come from a small family. The best advice any parent could give any teenager would be to choose their friends wisely. Do I regret any of the friendships I have developed? First of all, I never thought of regretting a friendship  because I value friendship and considered them sacred just like marriage. Second, I am mostly too business working, looking for work, basically trying to pay  rent  keep my car running too busy to have time to think of regretting friendships. After graduating college,I   was elated to have graduated, even though some shxx went down  before I graduated college and, no ET didn’t phone home, whether or not family members  got hold of  my innappropriate college behavior  ,seriously, I dont know; however ,I dont blame any particular person for my shortfall or misgivings  in my personal relationships or friendship. Until recently within the last five years during my illness and  convalescence has my thoughts pertaining to friendships (ship) sailed in a different direction. People in this world have a way of getting their point across: for instance,with such statements  like “every good politician must know how to lie,cheat, and steal”  “if you touch it and breaks you pay for it,” “you keep your hands and feet to yourself,” “I  don’t touch you , you don’t touch me,”  “if its not yours don’t touch it”, “ask before you borrow,”if borrow you something please return it ”,if you hit a car and no one is around leave a note,”  and  to really nail the point home “the place where you act up that where you get beat up.”Finally, I was raised to believe that handwork is rewarding  and that crime doesn’t pay,  I do not feel I was disingenuous to family and friends, I believe I am  a straightforward person any reason of suspicion otherwise could be easily questioned by any family member,I would not have hesitated to answer, out my strong sense  of morality and gratitude for the many  random acts of kindness (you) they have  performed .  So..what happened between the day I graduated from high school to day I graduated from college; shxx happens and it did,it’snot a mystery  to close family and friends  that know most of the details pertaining to my college years at (FAMU) Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University .In some instances; more frequently,  in the last two years, I ‘ve begun to believe that “you hated me before I was ever born” thus any in propriety from  my pass or lack of social graces  for you becomes an excuse to reveal what you have always felt but never had the opportunity to express or the appropriate moment had not manifested itself to allow that  inner emotion  of deep seeded hatred of me as a person more specifically for my skin color that  you so poignantly project towards me because  in actual reality you hate yourself  and by focusing on my in proprieties makes you feel powerful;nevertheless, my moral and social obligation that I extend to  you as well as family,surrogate family and friends remains  a simple assertion  as well as observation that you allowed me to live,you did not kill me,you clothed and fed me,you give me opportunity where others were forlorn,disconcerted, and impecunious. Therefore,whether I succeed or fail the fact remains,I was given an opportunity. And it’s liberating to tell the world at the age of forty,I want  a gun for my fortieth birthday along with a Master of Arts degree from Boston College, Lynch School of Eduction. As kid, I remember my grandmother kept  two sawed off shot guns in her apartment home, she used the guns on the Orange Groove but the crime or violence in the  new neighbor wasn’t bad enough to pull out the shotguns. The world has evolved since my days of elementary school, middle school, high school and college and so has many of  my friendships. So,what’s the prerequiste to developing thick-skin on snows besides purchasing a really good winter coat to stay warm:(1)keeping your thoughts and feelings in check,(2) dont react,listen (3)respect the opinions others even if you dont agree (4)express gratitude in every situation (5) in life threatening situations get out  of harms way and on the days that you’re snowed in unable to get the grocery store or go to work remember this quote“Notice to guest:If there’s anything you need  and dont see,please let us know,we will show you how to do without it”Mary Williams Mcfadden

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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